[0.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More, he, him, also
[21.4s] with me today is Amy More!
[23.3s] Yeah, she, her, and I'm going to be playing Sullivan Slyte, a lightfoot halfling.
[29.0s] I didn't look at my character sheet, so that was all from memory, guys, be proud of me.
[35.1s] You did it.
[36.1s] He, him.
[37.1s] Tom Laird.
[38.1s] He, him, and I am playing Moot, also he, him, and he is a wild magic half-orc sorcerer.
[45.3s] And Carla Maxden.
[47.2s] Yeah, that's me, she, her, playing Glim, a dragonborn pAlydin.
[53.0s] And joining us again on this flashback adventure from Madame Magenta and Mockery
[57.7s] Manor.
[58.7s] No, you're not from Mockery Manor.
[60.6s] From Madame Magenta.
[61.6s] Oh yeah, I am actually.
[62.6s] You are, you are.
[63.6s] For season three.
[64.6s] For season three.
[65.6s] Yeah, the upcoming season.
[66.6s] Well, there we go, from Madame Magenta, Mockery Manor, and the new Magenta Presents,
[71.3s] it's Madame Magenta and Bernard.
[73.2s] Hello.
[74.2s] Hello.
[75.2s] I'm playing Guerrera.
[76.2s] Yes.
[77.2s] I am a Kardashian.
[78.2s] Oh, I don't know.
[79.2s] What is this?
[80.2s] A Kendra, or something.
[81.2s] Yes, and a bard.
[82.2s] A Kenda, a Kenda bard.
[86.7s] And I am a Yeva, I'm going to assume he-him, although it's probably a bit of an assumption.
[93.5s] Let's go with that.
[94.5s] Well, no, if you are him, you can.
[97.2s] Oh, yes, all right.
[98.2s] So you're not assuming about yourself.
[99.8s] No, I'm not, am I?
[100.8s] Your choice.
[101.8s] I can make the choice.
[102.8s] He-they.
[103.8s] Right.
[104.8s] You know, Demi.
[105.8s] Yeah.
[106.8s] Exactly.
[107.8s] Let's go with that.
[108.8s] And he-they, they are a Goliath barbarian.
[113.4s] Love it.
[114.4s] Thank you so much again for being here.
[115.6s] We had a blast last time and are going to continue to have a blast on this adventure
[119.4s] that we are just looking for treasure, everybody, and maybe there's a sacrifice.
[123.2s] But we will-we'll get to that later.
[125.2s] Right?
[126.2s] Oh, no.
[127.2s] Sacrifice?
[128.2s] What?
[129.2s] Sacrifice.
[130.2s] No.
[131.2s] I mean, that goblin.
[132.2s] Could that be the sacrifice?
[133.2s] Yeah.
[134.2s] Yeah, that's-
[135.2s] Oh, right.
[136.2s] That's exactly what Guerrera and Yeva have ever-have talked about.
[137.2s] In terms of amongst themselves.
[138.2s] Great.
[139.2s] Of course.
[140.2s] Don't know what you're talking about.
[142.7s] Where we have characters that try not to sacrifice each other is over on Patreon.com
[147.3s] slash dumbdragoncast, where when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to
[151.0s] you like today's patron, Rab Black.
[153.9s] Thanks, Rab.
[154.9s] Thank you so much.
[155.9s] Rab Black.
[156.9s] Yeah.
[157.9s] What a name.
[158.9s] It's a good one, hey?
[159.9s] What a cool name.
[160.9s] Our patrons always have the best names.
[161.9s] They do.
[162.9s] Also, we're probably not going to die in this episode, so you're welcome.
[168.0s] I feel like I've been saying a lot in other episodes.
[171.4s] We might die in this one.
[172.9s] True.
[173.9s] Although, we're attempting to feign some waters.
[175.9s] Yeah, and Les did just say something kind of bad.
[178.0s] So no promises, Rab.
[179.8s] What?
[180.8s] No promises.
[181.8s] Yeah, no promises at all.
[182.8s] Thank you, Rab.
[183.8s] Regardless what happens, it's not your fault.
[184.8s] And we still love you.
[186.5s] And now, when you've joined us at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast, we can continue
[192.0s] to play this game.
[194.5s] That's how I do it.
[195.5s] Fuck it, let's play.
[198.5s] Moot, you've just disappeared.
[201.7s] Yep.
[202.7s] Now I don't like this.
[203.7s] And gone down into a cavern below you, where you've seen that there is often to one direction,
[210.6s] looks like a landmass bridge that goes out into one area.
[217.3s] There's some places to climb across to get to this landing down at the bottom
[221.1s] where it presumes that the ladder that was broken would have otherwise made it.
[227.1s] And as you're looking around using your echolocation, you are able to, because you have echolocation
[232.5s] and you are a bat, you are able to see more of these monkey winged creatures all over
[237.2s] the walls of this space.
[240.8s] Okay.
[242.8s] Upon learning this fact, I'm going to fly back up to where all my friends are
[247.6s] and I'm going to like buzz pretty close to Sully's face, just because.
[252.2s] Oh God.
[254.2s] And then I unbat and my book is still lit up as, okay, so there's a ton of those monkey
[262.1s] things down there.
[263.5s] I don't know if we should like, well, if we go down there, we just need to be ready.
[267.8s] That's all.
[268.8s] Like a ton, like.
[269.8s] So they're on the walls.
[270.8s] What are they doing on the walls?
[271.8s] Like seven of them?
[272.8s] Crawling.
[273.8s] Right.
[274.8s] They're crawling.
[275.8s] Did it look like there was anything good down there or just, like is the treasure
[282.6s] there?
[283.9s] I didn't.
[284.9s] I didn't.
[285.9s] Was it just miles and miles of these things?
[288.0s] I mean, maybe not miles, but like it's a pretty big cavern.
[290.6s] I didn't see the treasure, but there was some like exits out of the cavern down there.
[297.5s] But yeah, just a bunch of the monkey things on the walls.
[299.8s] Well, if they're on the walls, we can just go through the middle, can't we?
[303.1s] Just don't go near the walls.
[304.9s] Can we go so like sneaky?
[306.3s] Do we think we can sneak our way through?
[307.7s] I think we could probably do it.
[309.0s] Let's do it.
[310.0s] It took a long time for us to defend ourselves against four.
[313.0s] But if there's loads of them, then that's going to take ages.
[315.1s] No, we just won't disturb any of them.
[317.0s] I mean, we could just close up this trap door and go back that other way.
[324.3s] Yeah.
[325.3s] Oh yeah, there was another way, wasn't there?
[326.3s] There was another way.
[327.3s] You know, if you don't face your flying monkey fears, you're just going to
[331.7s] keep coming across the same problems time and time again in your life.
[334.6s] That's true.
[335.6s] I mean, we might go down the other way.
[337.6s] Face the flying monkey fears and do it anyway.
[339.5s] That's what I say.
[340.5s] Yes.
[342.2s] If we remember the first note, we got the key that they mentioned about the ostrichuary.
[348.2s] And I take it these are the lower caverns?
[350.4s] So maybe we don't got to go there because the treasure is in the ostrichuary.
[354.4s] Where the hell is this ossuary?
[356.8s] Well the contraption is in the ostrichuary.
[360.5s] And we did find out what the contraption was.
[362.4s] I don't think we know where this ossuary is though, do we?
[366.5s] So we might as well go into the cavern, that's what I'm saying.
[369.2s] You're voting for the cavern.
[370.2s] Cavern.
[371.2s] Let's go into the cavern.
[372.6s] You know what, the client's always right.
[375.0s] I mean, you are, you're paying the bills.
[377.9s] How long's that drop?
[379.1s] Could we do a thing where I like hang at the bottom and then Yver like climbs down
[385.8s] me and he hangs from my feet and then everyone else can climb down or?
[390.2s] It's like that game called dangling monkeys.
[395.1s] That's funny isn't it?
[396.1s] Tumbling monkeys.
[397.1s] Have you ever played tumbling monkeys?
[398.6s] It's the same principle anyway.
[400.8s] It's like kaplunk but with monkeys.
[402.3s] It's a very monkey heavy episode this isn't it?
[404.7s] It is.
[405.7s] It is.
[406.7s] If I dangle off you, I will split you in half, for I am very large.
[413.1s] Okay well, no thank you.
[415.9s] I'll dangle off you, maybe.
[417.8s] It was probably about 40 feet, so it would take a few of us kind of doing that.
[424.4s] How tall is the giant, Yver, how tall do you want to be?
[430.8s] Is there any way of finding that out?
[432.6s] How tall?
[433.6s] Goliath are usually between 7 and 8 feet.
[435.6s] Oh I'm not enormous though.
[436.6s] No that's not very tall.
[438.1s] Just a sort of really large chap.
[440.4s] Yes.
[441.4s] Alright.
[442.4s] I don't know if you could call that a different species.
[444.6s] I mean I was thinking he was sort of you know 15-20 feet tall.
[447.9s] Oh yeah.
[448.9s] I've been sort of mentally ducking my head the whole time.
[451.9s] Retracted.
[452.9s] Yeah I thought you were walking through like a sandwich bowl through the whole
[455.7s] cave thing.
[456.7s] Yeah.
[457.7s] I'm 15 feet tall.
[458.7s] How many stretches?
[459.7s] Tippy toes?
[460.7s] Yeah.
[461.7s] 15 and a half in heels.
[463.9s] Well that's not bad.
[465.6s] Maybe we can drop the rest of the way.
[467.2s] Well we could try.
[468.5s] But quietly.
[469.5s] 15 and then I'm 6, 6 foot 5 plus arm length.
[475.1s] So that's like.
[476.1s] That's 21.
[477.1s] Arms.
[478.1s] Yeah you've got to take into account the arms.
[479.4s] That's true.
[480.4s] So that's almost 30 feet.
[482.2s] Oh we could do it.
[483.2s] And then you just drop the rest.
[484.2s] Quietly.
[485.2s] I'm sure I can handle a big drop because if I'm on the top.
[488.2s] Oh that's true.
[489.2s] You're like old now man.
[490.2s] What about your old bones?
[491.2s] Oh that's true.
[492.2s] Yes.
[493.2s] Can you drop?
[494.2s] Am I going to put my knee out?
[495.5s] You might.
[496.5s] Or a hip?
[497.5s] Oh God if you break my hip down here how do we get you out?
[499.2s] I don't know.
[500.2s] Yeah that's a problem.
[501.2s] I mean is there any sort of crash mats or gym equipment around that I could.
[504.6s] Who has Fed to Fall?
[505.9s] Moot you can cast a fucking spell.
[507.8s] Yes?
[508.8s] Yeah what do you got?
[509.8s] I mean I could if I had that one.
[510.8s] Oh.
[511.8s] Oh God.
[512.8s] Um.
[513.8s] Can you do anything dear?
[516.5s] With your you know have you got any magical.
[518.5s] I'm running out of show tunes there's only so much I can do.
[522.0s] Just float down on the little things strains of your or pipes or whatever it is.
[527.0s] Oh I've got an idea.
[529.0s] So I lure them out with the music yeah.
[531.5s] Oh.
[532.5s] Lure them into the room that we're in.
[534.0s] Yes.
[535.0s] Behind something.
[536.0s] And then when they're all in the room we quickly jump into the 40 foot drop.
[540.7s] Slam the hatch closed.
[542.7s] I'm not going to lie.
[543.7s] It's not the best idea.
[544.7s] 40 feet will kill me.
[546.6s] Okay.
[547.6s] Well how acrobatic are we?
[549.2s] What if we tumbled?
[550.4s] I have plus four acrobatics.
[552.2s] I've got plus one I think that means I'm pretty acrobatic.
[555.1s] Should we have a go?
[556.8s] I'm a big lad but I am light on my feet.
[560.2s] Could we check out like the other route because I know the ghost put us down here
[564.5s] but like.
[565.5s] Do we trust him?
[566.5s] Never trust a ghost.
[567.7s] Do we have to fall like because I mean there were two hallways.
[571.6s] He's viscous.
[573.0s] So if we landed on him it would be like landing in a in a substance slow to stand.
[578.2s] But when he put his hand in the cushtard he are old.
[582.4s] Oh that's right.
[583.4s] Yeah that's true.
[584.4s] Yeah.
[585.4s] But that was more of like a trying to attack thing maybe not breaking a fall thing.
[590.9s] Oh you can go first.
[592.5s] You got shorter once now you're going to get older.
[594.4s] Well I mean let's not do anything hasty.
[596.3s] How about the ghost goes first then we drape a thing over him so you're landing
[601.1s] on a thin piece of fabric above a sort of custody surface.
[604.8s] Custody ghost.
[605.8s] Yes.
[606.8s] But the ghost is no longer around though is he?
[607.8s] He's all very well.
[608.8s] He kind of like touched his watch.
[610.7s] Oh yeah he had an appointment or something.
[612.7s] He was busy.
[613.7s] Yes.
[614.7s] We're no closer are we?
[618.4s] I love the enthusiasm for the monkey pit drop tumble but I don't want my friend
[626.7s] Sully to die.
[629.0s] I mean we have we have failed to reach a good plan.
[632.5s] There is.
[633.5s] Oh I know.
[634.5s] There's a ladder somewhere isn't there?
[635.9s] It's only a short ladder though.
[636.9s] But isn't there another ladder?
[638.0s] I don't know.
[639.0s] Maybe we can make a ladder.
[640.0s] There's a lot of crates around.
[641.0s] Oh true.
[642.0s] Yes.
[643.0s] Okay.
[644.0s] How big's the goblin?
[645.0s] Hold on a second.
[646.0s] How do we get the crates down there without upsetting the bat monkeys?
[648.8s] We do it very quietly.
[650.4s] Very quiet hammering and sawing.
[653.4s] How tall are goblins?
[655.4s] Like my height.
[656.4s] It's the goblin.
[657.4s] 40 feet long.
[659.4s] How many goblins are there?
[660.4s] Oh you know intestines when they're unraveled, this is a fact, intestines when they're unraveled
[665.7s] are very long.
[666.7s] Yes.
[667.7s] So we can go and get the goblin intestine, tie it to the bottom of the ladder, go
[670.7s] down the intestine.
[671.7s] Well it's the best plan we've got.
[673.8s] It is.
[674.8s] Yep.
[675.8s] Honestly it's the best plan we've heard so far.
[677.8s] Are they so strong?
[679.1s] I mean hold on.
[682.3s] That one just made me remember that we likely all have packs and our packs have stuff in
[689.3s] it.
[690.3s] And rope.
[691.3s] Oh yeah we do.
[692.3s] Hold on.
[693.3s] I've got 50 feet of rope.
[694.3s] We can't remember it.
[695.3s] We do have rope.
[696.3s] I've got 50 feet of rope people.
[697.3s] I'm so sorry.
[698.3s] I thought we were talking about something else.
[700.7s] God's sake.
[701.7s] I've got the guts from the goblin, what do we do now?
[706.6s] They make very nice tripe.
[709.2s] Maybe just put it in your bag for later.
[712.0s] Okay.
[713.0s] Well you never know.
[714.8s] Goblin haggis.
[715.8s] Sorry you guys, I totally forgot I had rope.
[720.4s] Yeah we're so good at this game you guys.
[722.6s] This is basic Dungeoneer Explorer packs, there's nothing.
[726.4s] As you realize that you all contain a pack that has somewhere around 50 feet of rope
[731.4s] each, you hear a door close from back down the way you came and some quick footsteps
[739.1s] and a head poke around the corner and it's like, hey you guys, hey it's nice to see you.
[748.4s] I'm Hillip, nice to meet you.
[751.2s] I am the band manager here.
[753.9s] They left me back at the group.
[756.5s] Hillip, why are you here?
[758.9s] Because I felt like we were stalling for time and maybe we needed somebody to just
[764.2s] insert a little bit of insight.
[767.0s] There was another doorway if you are stuck in this room, I don't know about your current
[771.2s] situation, you're all holding a lot of rope and one big man holding a goblin pulling
[778.0s] his intestines out.
[779.4s] What we do on our spare time has nothing to do with you.
[784.4s] No that's fine, I just thought I'd come check on you because I missed you so very
[788.3s] much and I just had a burning sensation that somebody was talking about a great
[792.0s] business idea.
[793.0s] I don't trust this person.
[794.8s] Let's get down these intestines, you sweet.
[797.7s] I thought you'd never ask.
[799.5s] I will wrap the intestines around everyone.
[803.5s] Rope is for pathetic baby men.
[806.4s] We will use the intestines of our enemies, oh wait he's not our enemy.
[810.3s] Well he might have been.
[811.3s] What if I am a pathetic baby man?
[814.5s] Oh maybe we should allow them to say it.
[817.1s] No offense intended.
[818.1s] No that's fine but I'll just, maybe I'll use the rope.
[820.3s] You can use rope, there we go.
[822.5s] I don't want to go down first, I will, I don't want to go down first, I mean I don't
[829.9s] want to spend more time with Hylap but, he's up here, I'm going down there.
[836.5s] Did the visiting German man have a more sensible solution?
[843.2s] Is he strongly implying we should go?
[845.3s] I mean he mentioned the other door.
[847.5s] Just going back, going back the way we came from where there was another door.
[851.3s] It's almost as if he deeply didn't want us to go into the cabin, is that what I'm
[855.5s] sensing?
[856.5s] That is what I'm sensing.
[857.5s] Fine you can go anywhere you want, I'm just looking up the intestinal strengths, like
[862.1s] how much weight can be held by an intestine, which is a weird thing to Google.
[867.7s] They're very strong.
[869.5s] So much strong, well no you can use them, they are telling you that it is like 70
[877.8s] to 100 psi, roughly 140 pounds could hang from your esophagus.
[882.9s] I am 2,000 pounds.
[885.5s] Oh my god.
[888.7s] Where's the black hole, he's very dense.
[891.9s] I'm, I, I, I'm, like, but you gotta, they're just gross.
[900.2s] It's slippery, and squishy.
[902.8s] How about this, I'll take 10% off a fee if we can go through the other door and
[907.1s] not make me go down that hole.
[908.9s] Okay, all right then, I always like a bargain, although your fee is zero, but never mind,
[914.4s] anyway let's go, let's go, yes.
[916.3s] I will save the intestines for a future scenario.
[920.1s] We call her the goblin haggis.
[921.9s] Wrapping it around your hand, like sausage links.
[927.5s] Wrapping intestines, and proceeding back the other way, you-
[930.4s] Hillip, you can go home now.
[931.9s] Oh yeah, sure, I'll just wait outside.
[934.6s] We have no business ideas about Custard, so don't worry about that.
[937.9s] No one discussed anything about Custard.
[939.6s] Well it's great to see you guys, nice to meet you too, I'm gonna go-
[943.4s] A bit weird, you just coming in here and telling us things.
[946.0s] Sometimes, sometimes you just need a voice to pop in and say, hey, maybe don't die.
[952.0s] But, you know, go back out the door and I'll just wait, I'll just, I'll keep
[955.4s] the car running.
[956.4s] You just, you just take your time.
[959.1s] Got any snacks?
[960.7s] Oh yeah, snacks?
[961.7s] We've been in this dungeon for ages.
[962.7s] Sure, baguettes.
[963.9s] Uh, galore?
[964.9s] You want a baguette?
[966.9s] Yeah, I'll have a baguette.
[967.9s] There you go.
[968.9s] Very fresh, very fresh.
[969.9s] Nice and warm.
[970.9s] Thank you.
[971.9s] I've been keeping it in my pockets the whole time.
[972.9s] You know what we could do?
[973.9s] Baguette ladder.
[974.9s] Eh?
[975.9s] We're back on the ladder.
[976.9s] Baguette ladder.
[977.9s] Sully's, Sully's like hustling his little teeny tiny legs going like, what's that,
[985.8s] I can't hear you, I'm already almost over at the passageway.
[991.4s] No bad ideas.
[993.7s] Following Sully down the other passageway, grumbling about no bad ideas, you, you make
[1015.7s] your way to the opening to another large chamber from which you can see there, it
[1022.9s] does appear dimly lit by some sort of bioluminescent material along the walls and floor.
[1031.5s] With your additional light from the book, you are able to see that there is a massive
[1035.2s] religious altar built with bones, often to the left in this chamber.
[1042.2s] Hanging up and in the center is a giant bone chandelier.
[1047.2s] And often to your right there is a rather ornate door flanked by two pillars of bones.
[1054.5s] From your position, near the door, you can see two strange monster corpses that are
[1060.9s] impaled with spears.
[1063.2s] Fun place.
[1065.5s] Very bone themed.
[1066.6s] When you die, do you want your body to like be an altar for like Bahamut or something?
[1071.7s] Well, I mean, I've dedicated my living life to Bahamut, so I thought maybe after
[1076.5s] I die, we could just like chill.
[1079.3s] Sorry, who did you, did you, did you say the Bahamen?
[1083.7s] Who, who, who, who, who, who, who have you dedicated your life to?
[1087.1s] Who let the dogs out?
[1089.1s] I'm so glad you asked.
[1091.1s] Not the Bahamen.
[1093.5s] Bahamut, I actually have some pamphlets here.
[1095.7s] He's like this really cool guy.
[1098.1s] He's super chill.
[1099.6s] He wants to, you know, like if you follow him, you believe in truth and justice.
[1105.3s] And we actually, the three of us, we have a destiny to save the world.
[1108.8s] So this is probably, you have a small part in that destiny right now.
[1112.9s] So you're saying you're more important than we are.
[1115.2s] Is that what you're saying?
[1116.6s] No, no.
[1117.7s] Main character syndrome, main character syndrome.
[1120.6s] Every, everyone is important to Bahamut.
[1125.5s] Anyway, this ossuary is ostentatious, am I right?
[1130.4s] Yeah, I do what you did there.
[1131.7s] I understood that joke.
[1135.2s] With the chandelier and everything.
[1137.0s] It's a little too much.
[1138.6s] It's a bit much.
[1140.3s] Like when someone really likes cows and every single thing in the house is like a
[1143.7s] cow theme.
[1145.5s] Yeah.
[1147.5s] Looking over the ostentatious ossuary, you kind of peek your head a little further
[1153.8s] in.
[1155.3s] And Sully, you were first up.
[1157.7s] You see two sets of skeleton bones.
[1161.5s] And again, similar garb to the ones previous.
[1166.8s] Wow.
[1167.4s] Like monkey robes?
[1169.1s] No way.
[1169.6s] Yeah.
[1170.5s] Wow.
[1170.9s] Monkish robes?
[1171.7s] That's the word.
[1172.4s] Yep.
[1174.7s] I want to like pat through their pockets.
[1177.3s] You know there's pockets in these things.
[1179.7s] Pat through the pockets.
[1181.0s] It has pockets.
[1182.3s] You find two gold pieces.
[1185.6s] Fuck yeah.
[1186.2s] A globe, like a glass or some sort of spherical globe.
[1192.1s] And another note.
[1196.0s] A snow globe.
[1197.3s] Welcome to, where are we?
[1199.3s] Guys, I found some awesome stuff.
[1201.7s] OK, so, oh, this one is, OK, this one says, I don't know what these
[1208.9s] horrible creatures are, but they aren't night raiders.
[1213.6s] Go alert the elders immediately.
[1217.4s] I'll reset the trap.
[1220.8s] Also, isn't this ball so cool?
[1222.7s] It's so cool.
[1223.5s] What happens if you shake it?
[1225.2s] I want to shake it.
[1226.1s] Yeah, you shake it.
[1226.9s] It just starts to glow and floats,
[1229.3s] tries to float out of your hand.
[1230.7s] Oh, oh, no, I want it.
[1231.6s] Now you're mine.
[1232.3s] Get back here.
[1233.2s] We follow it.
[1233.9s] Maybe we follow it somewhere.
[1235.5s] Oh.
[1236.9s] OK, I'm going to let it go.
[1238.0s] I got it.
[1238.5s] We don't lose it.
[1239.2s] I'm very attached to this thing now.
[1240.9s] And Sully, let's, like, floats up
[1243.1s] and kind of moves around the space around you all
[1246.5s] and then centers itself in the middle of your group.
[1249.3s] Oh, no.
[1250.5s] Emanating light out.
[1252.9s] I want to touch the ball.
[1254.9s] Go ahead.
[1255.4s] You can touch it.
[1257.3s] I am fearless.
[1259.0s] I will touch the ball.
[1260.4s] You grab the ball, and you feel the same pull
[1263.4s] as described to Sully.
[1264.4s] Like, it's trying to get out of your hand.
[1266.5s] It doesn't appear to do anything.
[1267.9s] It's not hot to the touch.
[1269.3s] It is rather smooth.
[1271.3s] It is very smooth, but it appears
[1274.3s] to be trying to pull itself away from your grasp.
[1276.5s] OK, let's not stand in a circle and see what it does.
[1280.1s] I exit the circle.
[1281.7s] You exit the circle and then move yourselves
[1283.8s] into a line, perhaps.
[1285.5s] And it moves itself to the front of the group.
[1290.8s] So it's just, like, a part of us now?
[1292.5s] What's the front in a line?
[1295.2s] Hang on, what's the front?
[1296.3s] It moves itself more towards the ossuary.
[1299.7s] The ossuary.
[1301.4s] Are we not in the ossuary?
[1302.9s] You're on the entrance of the ossuary.
[1304.7s] Oh, right.
[1305.5s] I see.
[1307.2s] Should we go in?
[1307.9s] Onward.
[1308.9s] Yeah, let's get in there.
[1310.9s] I sort of assumed we'd already gone in.
[1312.7s] Me too.
[1314.1s] That's all right.
[1315.4s] You have to be very clear about these things,
[1316.7s] don't we?
[1317.7s] Can I check for a trap before we go in?
[1320.0s] Just before.
[1320.7s] Oh, they have explicitly told us there will be a trap.
[1324.1s] And that it has been reset.
[1325.3s] Numerous times.
[1327.3s] The rest is just like, yeah, go in.
[1329.7s] You yell that into the room?
[1331.5s] No.
[1332.3s] No?
[1332.8s] I whispered that because I whispered that.
[1334.8s] You whispered that.
[1335.5s] Can I check the traps?
[1337.7s] Sully cannot control the volume of his voice.
[1340.3s] OK, yeah, sure.
[1341.5s] Well, the bowl will make the trap go off.
[1345.4s] Oh, that's true, because it's a ball.
[1346.7s] That's true.
[1347.6s] I just want to check it.
[1348.6s] Oh, fuck off, fuck off.
[1349.9s] It looks clear as you enter the room.
[1352.1s] Guys, it's fine.
[1353.2s] Totally fine.
[1354.7s] I will blunder in loudly.
[1358.0s] Really?
[1358.5s] I was sure about this.
[1359.5s] What happens if we die?
[1360.5s] Yeever blunders in.
[1361.6s] I am.
[1363.9s] You know, when you get older, though, like, right?
[1366.5s] What do you have left to lose?
[1368.3s] Yeah, and just no patience.
[1370.4s] It's got to go.
[1371.1s] Yeever, make a dexterity saving throw.
[1375.1s] I don't like the sound of that, but all right.
[1377.7s] Dexterity saving throw.
[1379.5s] Oh, oh, Magenta, as a bard,
[1381.7s] you can give him inspiration, and he
[1383.8s] can add dice to his roll.
[1386.5s] Oh, this is true.
[1388.3s] You got this, man.
[1389.9s] My very presence inspires you.
[1391.5s] That's right.
[1392.0s] Always.
[1392.7s] Where's inspiration?
[1393.3s] But what about in the game?
[1396.9s] Where the hell is it?
[1398.8s] What are we doing?
[1399.7s] Where's Inspire?
[1401.4s] Called bardic inspiration.
[1403.2s] It'll be actions and likely all the way at the bottom.
[1406.9s] I'm panicking again.
[1408.0s] Where is it?
[1408.5s] No panic.
[1409.4s] All good.
[1410.2s] You're doing great, Magenta.
[1411.2s] I will constantly use the term panic blindness from now on.
[1414.5s] I know.
[1415.5s] I felt that in my soul.
[1417.8s] It's not under action, so it might be in spells.
[1423.5s] It'll be under bonus actions.
[1426.5s] Bardic inspiration.
[1430.7s] What is it not in features and traits?
[1432.7s] I know a woman called Barb who was very silver.
[1436.5s] Anyway, sorry.
[1438.6s] No, I can't think of an option.
[1440.3s] So bardic inspiration, I will explain it to you.
[1444.7s] You give a creature other than yourself, so in this case,
[1446.9s] Yeever, who can hear you, they gain an inspiration die,
[1450.5s] which for you is an extra 1d8.
[1453.5s] And for 10 minutes, that creature
[1454.9s] can add that d8 to an ability check attack
[1458.0s] roll or saving throw.
[1460.3s] This can be added after seeing the roll,
[1462.6s] but before knowing if it succeeds.
[1463.5s] Oh, I found it.
[1464.5s] There you go.
[1465.1s] All right.
[1465.8s] Shall I just say you've got it?
[1467.7s] Is that OK?
[1468.9s] Do I have to do something?
[1470.0s] You could do something if you want to.
[1471.5s] Do whatever you want it to be.
[1472.6s] You sing a song.
[1473.6s] You could give words of inspiration.
[1476.3s] A little tap on the ass.
[1477.3s] So you got this.
[1478.9s] So I do a performance dance, a performancey dance thing.
[1483.7s] And a song from Hair, there we go.
[1487.8s] And you're inspired.
[1488.9s] The age of Aquarius, oh, I feel so inspired.
[1492.6s] The age of Aquarius.
[1496.5s] I will now roll a dexterity.
[1500.6s] 17.
[1502.1s] I hope.
[1502.9s] Loving.
[1503.4s] Look at that.
[1504.9s] So you do have the option to add a d8,
[1506.8s] but 17 is quite a good roll.
[1508.4s] So I'm going to say 17, you probably don't need to.
[1511.3s] I will save that for a rainy day.
[1513.4s] All right, you've got that for 10 minutes in game,
[1515.6s] which is a long time.
[1516.9s] Don't worry about it.
[1519.3s] As you step blunder into the room,
[1522.8s] your foot steps because you're
[1524.9s] 2,000 pounds and 15 feet tall.
[1527.4s] That's right.
[1527.9s] We did say that, didn't we?
[1529.5s] That means you're very wide, I think.
[1531.3s] You're incredibly wide.
[1533.2s] Just very long.
[1535.1s] Very tall.
[1535.7s] Two spears from the opposite wall shoot out.
[1538.9s] You narrowly miss them, and they impale themselves
[1542.3s] on the wall behind you.
[1544.3s] Everybody else standing pretty close behind you
[1546.8s] are flanked by these spears, wide-eyed as they shoot out.
[1551.7s] Wow.
[1552.7s] Well, I'm going to say that that's the only trap
[1554.9s] in the room, probably.
[1556.5s] That was close.
[1558.9s] I guess in hindsight, we could have realized
[1560.9s] that those big, nasty creatures are stuck with spears,
[1564.8s] so it doesn't matter.
[1567.1s] Maybe we're all fine, right?
[1568.3s] 2020 hindsight.
[1569.2s] Question, sorry, out of game question.
[1572.8s] The big creatures that are stuck with spears,
[1576.3s] are they on the same place that these spears blew
[1580.1s] into, or a different part of the room?
[1581.7s] They're down near the door with the two pillars
[1585.4s] flanking it, so all right.
[1587.6s] So in foresight, there might be another trap.
[1591.8s] That's what I was thinking.
[1593.6s] I think with my newly acquired insight, or whatever it is,
[1598.2s] that Magenta, I mean, whatever her name is, has given me,
[1603.6s] I am going to say that I will stand very still
[1609.0s] and be very quiet while we do some other sort of investigation
[1613.8s] into the room.
[1614.9s] Can I stealthily check out the room, so stealthy?
[1618.6s] Doesn't sound like Cookie Monster.
[1624.2s] I was thinking the same thing.
[1625.7s] I wasn't going to say it.
[1627.0s] Yeah, Sully, you can go with stealthy.
[1628.7s] I was going for a sort of Geralt-like gravitas,
[1631.5s] but no Cookie Monster, fine.
[1635.9s] I picked up on the Geralt, obviously.
[1638.5s] Oh, god, fuck, fuck.
[1639.5s] Thank you.
[1641.8s] Yeah, but you've got a plus.
[1643.5s] Yeah, 16.
[1645.7s] It could have been so much better.
[1647.7s] Yeah, yeah, it could have been.
[1650.4s] But you managed to make your way into the room very
[1652.4s] stealthily.
[1653.9s] You're moving along the walls.
[1655.5s] You do see that there are several holes in the wall,
[1661.3s] the exact same as where the spears came out
[1663.7s] on the other side.
[1665.2s] They are riddled along both sides all the way to the door.
[1670.7s] Can we stuff things in the holes, as it were?
[1672.8s] What about those intestines?
[1674.1s] Could we just to slow it down?
[1678.1s] You all doubted me.
[1679.4s] Although they're a bit squidgy.
[1680.7s] I think sharp things could probably go through them.
[1683.3s] OK, you were right to doubt me.
[1685.4s] But there will be an occasion for those intestines,
[1688.2s] I assure you.
[1690.2s] I sneakily come back.
[1692.5s] OK, so there's lots of holes,
[1694.4s] and there was no trip wire.
[1696.7s] So I think if we're just super quiet, we can probably.
[1701.9s] Can we limbo as well?
[1703.0s] How tall are the holes?
[1705.1s] They go straight from ceiling to floor.
[1707.6s] Ceiling to floor.
[1709.7s] So listen, there's no limboing.
[1711.1s] There's no way you could get past them
[1713.6s] unless you were being very quiet.
[1714.8s] Is that the implication?
[1716.1s] Seems that way.
[1716.8s] So it looks like a cheese grater in there.
[1718.7s] That's how many holes there are.
[1720.3s] There's loads of holes.
[1721.3s] Just loads of holes, so many holes.
[1723.4s] Their spear budget must be through the roof.
[1725.2s] Well, yes.
[1727.3s] Rez, do I know, like, do I recognize anything
[1731.3s] about the altar or anything?
[1732.9s] Like, you know, religiosity.
[1735.0s] Sure, make a religion check.
[1736.5s] Because of my religion.
[1738.4s] Ah, yes, the cult of the Baha men.
[1743.4s] 17.
[1745.7s] Doing a little bit of research on the voiceless order,
[1749.3s] you recognize that their symbol,
[1753.8s] which is the symbol of magenta,
[1757.8s] what's the symbol of the voiceless order?
[1759.7s] What?
[1760.3s] Oh, it is.
[1763.7s] Am I supposed to make this up?
[1764.9s] I think so, yes.
[1765.8s] I think it's the nature of the game.
[1767.5s] So it's a symbol.
[1769.1s] It looks a lot like Prince's name.
[1774.2s] But with more squiggly.
[1775.4s] The sort of squiggly, sort of ankh-looking thing
[1778.7s] that Prince used.
[1779.9s] Yes, the symbol of Prince.
[1781.9s] Yes.
[1782.6s] In fact, it is.
[1783.2s] It's just Prince's name.
[1784.0s] It's exactly that.
[1784.9s] That's what it is.
[1786.0s] I mean, it makes sense that a cult that would worship Prince
[1789.8s] would have naked, bejeweled bodies beneath their robes.
[1792.9s] And voiceless.
[1795.0s] Because how can they compare to Prince?
[1797.9s] Exactly, exactly.
[1799.4s] And you know, purple fades to brown over time.
[1803.5s] So those robes were originally purple.
[1805.6s] Wow.
[1806.3s] Actually, purple doesn't fade to brown, does it?
[1808.0s] No, but that sounded very good.
[1809.4s] So let's go with that.
[1810.7s] With enough sun on it.
[1813.3s] As a teacher who does lots of construction paperwork,
[1816.5s] I know for a fact if you leave purple construction paper
[1818.8s] in the sun, it will turn to brown.
[1820.9s] Purple robes, purple robes, purple robes.
[1825.3s] Sully turns to Yever and says, hey,
[1829.7s] do you still have that whole goblin?
[1833.4s] I mean, I pulled out his intestines,
[1835.9s] but I've been carrying the rest of him.
[1837.9s] You never know, like I said.
[1839.8s] What if we trip him, right?
[1841.1s] Like there's only one spear in each hole.
[1843.8s] Oh, that's true.
[1844.4s] They did say they have to like reload them.
[1846.9s] So we lob a goblin.
[1849.3s] Yeah, what if we throw that guy in there?
[1853.1s] Or get rid of the ones on the lower bits,
[1855.3s] then we limbo the rest.
[1856.6s] That's a good idea.
[1858.2s] So just push him in front of us.
[1860.5s] But you know, sort of.
[1861.8s] Like a goblin shield.
[1863.4s] Oh, god.
[1864.3s] I was just saying throw him, so like what if it
[1866.3s] goes through the goblin and then into you?
[1868.1s] Just lob him in.
[1869.7s] Sort of bowl, maybe bowl him.
[1872.1s] Oh, yeah.
[1873.3s] Yeah, because if you throw, that means we have to kind of
[1875.9s] float through the room, doesn't it?
[1877.5s] If you throw him and he sort of like his trajectory
[1881.2s] takes him sort of half way up the wall.
[1883.5s] That's true.
[1884.1s] So slide him along the ground and then crawl.
[1886.9s] Maybe something's going to make a lot of noise.
[1889.3s] Could we not just shout really loudly into the room
[1892.0s] and set them all off at once and then just walk in?
[1894.5s] Well, let's try it.
[1895.7s] Oh, yes, I forgot the sounds.
[1898.2s] The sound activation thing.
[1900.0s] How about we make the goblin, oh, oh.
[1903.4s] But if we bowl the goblin, so we sort of make him
[1905.9s] into a round thing and then we attach things to him
[1910.3s] that clatter against the floor.
[1912.3s] Loud noises.
[1913.4s] So then bowling him is very loud.
[1915.3s] Dugga, dugga, dugga, dugga.
[1916.3s] Yes, like that.
[1917.1s] That is the noise that he would make.
[1918.7s] You do remember that there were dishes
[1920.4s] in the root cellar as well.
[1922.4s] Metal cans and dishes and wine bottles.
[1927.4s] Yeah, of course.
[1929.2s] We will use his intestines to bind the dishes
[1932.4s] to his broken, lifeless body.
[1935.5s] And yes, if we sort of knot him up
[1937.4s] into a sort of pretzel shape.
[1938.8s] Yes, like a rubber band ball.
[1940.7s] Oh, we could take some rope and go around him
[1943.1s] to keep all of his limbs in too.
[1945.2s] A brilliant idea.
[1946.0s] Getting cataracts.
[1947.7s] Because otherwise he's going to grind to a halt.
[1949.5s] We need a perfect sphere.
[1951.2s] Yes.
[1952.4s] All right, we work on this Arts and Crafts
[1954.0s] project from hell.
[1955.3s] For so long.
[1957.5s] OK, so we cut ahead.
[1958.8s] It's all right, I've done it before.
[1959.7s] It doesn't take long.
[1960.6s] The goblin is covered in dishware and bottles,
[1964.3s] and it's all wrapped with intestines
[1967.0s] and pits of wood and crates.
[1969.5s] I assume Yeever is going to yeet this goblin
[1973.9s] into the room.
[1975.4s] He's very good at bowling.
[1976.4s] Why do they...
[1977.7s] They used to call me Yeetver at Barbarian Academy.
[1982.9s] Academy, yeah.
[1985.4s] All right.
[1986.5s] What do I do with it?
[1987.4s] No, you just say that you do it.
[1988.7s] Oh, I just do it.
[1989.9s] OK, right, yeah.
[1991.6s] Yeah, in you go.
[1994.6s] As you release the goblin,
[1996.6s] there's like this record scratch,
[1998.5s] and we zoom in on the goblin's face
[2000.3s] who animates just for a moment and says,
[2002.5s] you might wonder how I got here.
[2004.2s] And then we have a fake vaccine,
[2006.7s] flashback scene to seeing this goblin
[2009.5s] sneaking in through some caves.
[2013.7s] Being chased by all these screamer monkey creatures,
[2017.7s] finding a way into the root cellar
[2019.9s] and like huddling and cowering in fear.
[2023.1s] Being eaten by those and then picked up
[2025.6s] where he is now, and we're back in scene.
[2028.2s] Perfect.
[2029.0s] I mean, we'd all hope that our lifeless body
[2031.0s] would be treated with such respect, really.
[2033.1s] Yes.
[2034.5s] A fitting burial.
[2035.6s] Yes.
[2036.6s] Rolling through the room, creating a calamity,
[2039.7s] spears begin to shoot out of the walls
[2042.1s] from both sides from different angles,
[2044.1s] shooting down at this goblin
[2046.1s] who's building in size and speed as he's going
[2049.5s] because of how many spears are now.
[2051.7s] He's suspended in the middle of them,
[2054.7s] which is wild because he doesn't have
[2056.1s] a lot of body mass left to him.
[2059.1s] More pulverized, Swiss cheese,
[2062.8s] could be a good descriptor,
[2064.5s] and makes it down to the end when the final spear
[2067.5s] hits into and the entire ball collapses
[2071.4s] at the door on the far end.
[2074.1s] Goblin haggis.
[2075.7s] Well, no, we're not gonna eat him, are we?
[2077.0s] Oh, no, no, no, we're not gonna do that.
[2078.5s] You've still got the intestines.
[2079.7s] I do.
[2084.2s] Hello, Frederick, my old friend.
[2088.1s] I've come to throw you into spears again.
[2092.0s] We will make it to the middle.
[2096.5s] Where we'll talk about it.
[2099.9s] Magenta and Bernard.
[2101.3s] Uh.
[2102.1s] It did.
[2103.0s] It did.
[2103.8s] Yeah, well, it was Bernard.
[2106.8s] It was Bernard.
[2109.6s] Yeah, it slipped.
[2111.3s] It should have been Bernard.
[2113.0s] But we're here in the middle,
[2114.8s] and I almost made it to the end of another one.
[2118.4s] Wanna say thank you so much for being here with us.
[2121.2s] If folks haven't checked you out yet.
[2123.8s] They're crazy.
[2125.0s] They're fools.
[2126.0s] They are crazy.
[2127.5s] Subscribe to the newsletter,
[2128.8s] get my recommendations for the podcast in the past,
[2132.5s] and listen to it.
[2133.3s] What are you doing with your life?
[2134.4s] That's right.
[2135.3s] It was really aggressive.
[2136.1s] I like this.
[2136.9s] I like the level of aggression.
[2138.2s] Yes.
[2139.5s] Recommendations that sound like threats.
[2141.6s] Yes, yes.
[2142.4s] We'd like to come in hot with our recommendations.
[2144.7s] Do it, or don't bother coming back here.
[2147.2s] Oh, please come back.
[2148.0s] No, I'm just kidding.
[2148.9s] Yeah, please come back.
[2149.7s] Please come back, but also just please check it out.
[2151.7s] I don't mean to come off so pushy.
[2153.6s] No, I liked it.
[2155.3s] But then we have to apologize about it.
[2156.5s] I bet some listeners would enjoy it as well.
[2158.8s] Oh, yes.
[2159.8s] Some people are very, very interested in that.
[2162.5s] Tell me to listen to our podcast.
[2163.9s] Go on, yes.
[2164.7s] Tell me off.
[2165.6s] Yes.
[2166.7s] I feel like we've gotten ourselves
[2167.9s] into a role play now that we were.
[2169.4s] No, it's good.
[2170.3s] It's lovely.
[2171.1s] It's lovely.
[2172.1s] Yeah, if you could remind our listeners,
[2174.1s] if they have not acted so far,
[2176.0s] as to where they can find you.
[2178.4s] Well, out now is our new series, Magenta Presents,
[2182.2s] the horror anthology in which Magenta presents.
[2186.9s] Horror?
[2187.7s] Horror, yes.
[2188.6s] In an anthology sort of format.
[2190.8s] Yes, the clue's in the name.
[2192.9s] And then we're also going to be
[2195.5s] in the third series of Mockery Manor,
[2197.7s] which is a full cast audio drama set in a theme park.
[2201.7s] And you can also check out our existing series,
[2204.7s] which is Madam Magenta's Sonos Mystica,
[2207.3s] in which Magenta reads from her books,
[2209.6s] tells stories about her adventures,
[2211.5s] and we also solve real problems sent in by the listeners
[2214.9s] using the powers of the mystic arts.
[2217.2s] Gosh, so good.
[2218.1s] That was very fluid.
[2218.9s] That was.
[2219.7s] It almost went into sort of radio voice there.
[2221.6s] Did you hear me there?
[2223.3s] I started sort of going in now.
[2224.6s] Coming up after the break,
[2225.7s] we will be joining Magenta as she solves
[2228.5s] real listeners problems through the magic arts.
[2231.3s] I almost fell over at the end there.
[2232.7s] It was going well.
[2233.6s] I mean, as a bunch of former radio people,
[2236.1s] it was fantastic.
[2237.0s] As someone who listens to the radio much sometimes,
[2238.2s] I thought that sounded really good.
[2241.0s] Did you enjoy it, dear?
[2242.3s] Yes, yes.
[2243.2s] Well done.
[2244.2s] Yes, I already said so.
[2245.4s] That's high praise.
[2246.2s] Oh God, always looking for approval.
[2247.5s] That's high praise from Magenta.
[2248.4s] Yes, I know.
[2249.2s] He's very needy, isn't he?
[2250.1s] You know, I mean, over the course of the three seasons
[2251.7s] of Madam Magenta, like,
[2253.2s] Berner, you're really just,
[2254.4s] you've come out with your confidence
[2256.3s] from the beginning to this point.
[2258.6s] Yeah, too flippant.
[2259.4s] Absolutely.
[2260.3s] It's very nice of you to say that.
[2261.8s] No, it's good.
[2262.6s] He's been on a growth arc.
[2263.9s] I have.
[2264.7s] Yes.
[2265.6s] I'm in my third act now.
[2266.9s] Third act, which is the Yeaver journey.
[2270.5s] You can take that back to your shows now
[2272.9s] and just bring that energy every single time.
[2274.8s] Live with that confidence in you.
[2276.6s] Yes, it was an outward manifestation
[2278.9s] of your inner sort of thrusting masculinity.
[2282.4s] That's right, yes.
[2283.2s] I enjoy being Yeaver.
[2284.5s] He's a strong and sensitive type.
[2287.3s] Love it.
[2288.1s] Thank you so much for being here with us.
[2289.2s] Go check them out everywhere you can get podcasts.
[2292.4s] And now we'll get you back to the episode
[2293.9s] and figure out what's going on in this cave.
[2295.6s] Who knows?
[2296.4s] Who knows?
[2297.2s] We don't know.
[2298.2s] Thank you so much.
[2299.0s] Have a great week.
[2300.6s] Bye.
[2302.0s] Bye.
[2302.8s] Goodbye.
[2303.6s] Bye.
[2305.1s] How many of those spears do you think are still in there?
[2308.2s] I mean, that had to be most of them, right?
[2310.9s] I would think so.
[2312.5s] Any of these spears worth, any of them quite fancy?
[2316.8s] Shall we take a few?
[2318.8s] I mean, we could,
[2319.6s] could we always do with a few more spears?
[2324.0s] I take your tacit,
[2326.0s] I take that as tacit agreement.
[2327.6s] We could always do with a few more spears.
[2330.6s] Always.
[2331.4s] Always.
[2332.3s] All right.
[2333.1s] Yeah, surely we've set off.
[2333.9s] I mean, they'd have to reset.
[2334.8s] They couldn't be resetting those one by one.
[2336.6s] That would be insane.
[2338.2s] So I'm gonna go in.
[2340.7s] I'm assuming safe.
[2343.4s] Gosh.
[2344.3s] I will too, but I'm definitely gonna be stealthy about it.
[2347.5s] Get real stealth when it's just going in.
[2350.5s] Yeah, but you know, I'll be quiet.
[2352.8s] I don't weigh 2000 pounds, so I can be pretty quiet.
[2356.5s] I'm gonna hang back, see what happens.
[2359.0s] Yeah, Yeever and Guerrera hang back
[2362.0s] and everybody else proceeds forward into
[2365.1s] and as you enter the space
[2369.2s] and move to the center of the space,
[2370.9s] it appears that everything is fine for you.
[2374.5s] To the point where you believe
[2376.5s] that at least to this point in the room,
[2378.7s] there are no more spears.
[2380.6s] Turn around and give a quiet thumbs up.
[2382.8s] Yeah, big thumbs up, but still quiet.
[2387.0s] Should we try and get them to say something loudly
[2389.4s] just to really test this?
[2391.3s] Before we go in, shall we?
[2393.1s] Yes.
[2394.0s] We've got a good plan.
[2394.8s] Go on, yes.
[2395.6s] What should we say?
[2396.5s] What should we say to them?
[2397.3s] I don't know.
[2398.1s] Or could they shout very loudly?
[2399.5s] What's gonna make them go, ugh?
[2403.3s] Should we just chuck something at them?
[2404.8s] Well, if we chucked most of the things that we have,
[2406.9s] I haven't got any more goblin parts left.
[2410.7s] We've got a 40-foot rope.
[2412.0s] How about we whip them with it?
[2413.2s] We could do, whoosh, yes.
[2414.9s] Or you could sing a very loud song.
[2417.0s] I think they're wondering why we're whispering
[2418.5s] to each other.
[2419.3s] Is this looking suspicious?
[2421.7s] Let's just follow them up for now.
[2422.8s] All right, all right.
[2424.3s] We're coming in, we're coming in.
[2425.5s] Yes, we are sure that it is safe.
[2429.1s] The way is clear.
[2430.7s] Very tentatively, they walk into the room behind you.
[2434.3s] So you have the altar,
[2437.1s] which there isn't anything substantial,
[2440.1s] other than some religious carvings and artifacts.
[2443.6s] Actually, that said, there are artifacts over there,
[2445.7s] which could be viewed.
[2447.2s] And then the door, which now has the two creatures
[2451.3s] skewered with spears onto the wall,
[2453.3s] and the goblin, his name was Frederick,
[2456.9s] in the middle of the spear ball, which is all.
[2461.0s] The story just gets sad.
[2462.3s] Rest well, Frederick.
[2463.1s] This is worse when you know his name.
[2464.8s] I know.
[2466.6s] And the spear ball, which is kind of great.
[2469.7s] He left two children and a wife behind.
[2474.6s] We will see that they are compensated for his sacrifice.
[2480.0s] So that was the sacrifice.
[2482.7s] Well, you'd hope so, wouldn't you?
[2484.8s] There was more sacrifice.
[2485.6s] Oh no, we're not supposed to tell them about that.
[2487.3s] Anybody want to go check the altar,
[2488.7s] or are we proceeding towards the door?
[2490.0s] I want to see the artifacts.
[2491.4s] Okay, you go over and view.
[2494.4s] There are two artifacts laid out.
[2496.6s] Roll a d4, please, first.
[2499.7s] That's a d20.
[2500.5s] I was putting it back.
[2502.8s] In a rolling motion.
[2504.0s] By rolling it, as I always do.
[2507.6s] I'm gonna try some of my other dice.
[2509.6s] My metal ones have been sad.
[2511.5s] There's a three.
[2512.6s] I don't know if that's a good thing.
[2513.8s] You find a quill and ink.
[2518.3s] Oh, well, they find their way into my pocket.
[2520.8s] All right.
[2522.2s] I'm gonna gift them to moot at some point
[2524.3s] during our next Christmas thing.
[2526.2s] There is a commemorative plaque beside it.
[2529.0s] Oh, thank God.
[2529.8s] It says a certificate of authenticity.
[2533.6s] Write a question, get an answer.
[2536.0s] Glim, I assume you would go over and look.
[2538.3s] You can roll a d4 as well.
[2540.2s] Okay.
[2542.7s] One.
[2543.8s] You see a dagger,
[2546.8s] and the commemorative plaque beside it
[2549.6s] says invisible punching dagger.
[2552.7s] Cool.
[2553.8s] The dagger that punches,
[2555.1s] what a little fist comes out of it.
[2557.2s] So you draw the dagger,
[2558.8s] and you brandish it at your enemy,
[2560.8s] and then a big comedy boxing glove
[2562.6s] on a spring comes out and goes bosh.
[2565.1s] The Monty Python foot.
[2566.9s] Very useful.
[2568.4s] Or you've got a dagger in one hand,
[2569.7s] and then you just punch him with the other.
[2572.8s] Misdirection.
[2573.7s] Ooh.
[2574.6s] You just go, ooh, look, look,
[2575.7s] shiny, shiny thing, shiny thing,
[2578.1s] woo, bof.
[2579.5s] As you pick it up,
[2580.7s] it has like a handhold on it,
[2584.7s] and when you put your hand through it,
[2587.2s] the dagger itself becomes invisible.
[2589.7s] Cool.
[2591.4s] Sneaky.
[2592.2s] Hope it's not cursed.
[2593.4s] Only one way to find out.
[2594.7s] I know, as soon as you said dagger,
[2596.0s] I was like, what's it look like?
[2597.7s] I know, me too.
[2599.3s] Yeever and Guerrera,
[2601.9s] sorry Moot, I only have four items here.
[2604.5s] You see two other things.
[2606.7s] So there's a wreath that you see,
[2610.7s] the commemorative plaque that says wreath of crow speak,
[2615.4s] as well as a key that is formed from bone,
[2619.2s] and it is a skeleton key.
[2623.5s] Right, well, always wanted to speak crow, I suppose.
[2629.1s] Yes, why not, yes.
[2631.0s] Or maybe the wreath just speaks crow,
[2633.8s] and you know, so it just calls it to you.
[2636.0s] Wreath of crow.
[2636.8s] Anyway, I'm sure we'll figure it out.
[2638.1s] Well, let's pick it up, shall we?
[2639.8s] Yes, yes, all right.
[2641.4s] I shall present the wreath of crow
[2645.2s] to my darling Guerrera.
[2647.5s] Thanks very much.
[2648.3s] There you go.
[2649.2s] Cheers.
[2650.1s] A gift has been made.
[2652.0s] It's that anniversary where you get a wreath
[2654.5s] that speaks crow.
[2655.8s] 10 years it is crow, crow wreath.
[2658.3s] Traditionally.
[2659.2s] And then, and I will pick up the key
[2662.4s] and secrete it about my person.
[2665.1s] You're only wearing like a leather G string.
[2667.8s] I said about my person.
[2670.3s] I gave not details.
[2674.2s] I'm gonna take out,
[2675.1s] because I obviously read the thing
[2676.8s] after I put it in my bag.
[2677.9s] I want to take it out
[2678.9s] and take a spare piece of parchment
[2680.6s] and just write,
[2682.1s] where's the treasure?
[2684.6s] Ah, yes, that is an efficient use of that prop.
[2687.8s] Uh, it, uh, letters below it begin to form
[2691.9s] and it says in the treasury.
[2694.3s] And then I write,
[2695.4s] where the fuck is the treasury?
[2698.1s] Through the door.
[2700.0s] Should we ask it something a bit more philosophical?
[2702.7s] Why are we here?
[2704.0s] That sort of thing.
[2704.8s] What is the meaning of life?
[2707.3s] Yes.
[2708.2s] What does it say?
[2709.4s] There's a dot, dot, dot.
[2711.8s] And then it does like the.
[2713.7s] Oh God.
[2715.0s] Yeah, then it does like the thinking face emoji.
[2717.5s] There's a dot, dot, dot.
[2718.3s] A little buffering circle comes up.
[2720.2s] Yep, and it just hangs there.
[2722.9s] Oh, we broke it.
[2723.7s] Turn it off and on again.
[2725.8s] Just gonna put this in my packet.
[2728.7s] All right, through the door.
[2730.4s] Can I look,
[2731.3s] because is there a key hole on the door?
[2733.5s] Does it look like it would take
[2734.9s] a skeleton key? Does it look like the key
[2736.4s] that you found in the root cellar would fit?
[2739.2s] Not the one that Eva has shoved.
[2741.4s] That one would also, looks like it would fit.
[2744.4s] That one's gone, I'm afraid.
[2746.3s] Oh.
[2747.2s] He's gonna need an enema to get that one back.
[2749.0s] That one will come out in several hours.
[2751.0s] How long do we have?
[2752.0s] We've had some experience with that
[2753.3s] in the past with this group, so.
[2755.8s] I see.
[2756.9s] Yeah.
[2757.7s] If I rummage, I am a keen rummager
[2759.8s] as we have established earlier on.
[2761.9s] So I could rummage that one out for you.
[2764.0s] Let's use the other one.
[2765.0s] Shall we?
[2766.7s] I am going,
[2769.3s] Sully, can you like, I don't know.
[2771.6s] Yeah, I do.
[2772.4s] Do this or check to see if it's okay.
[2774.4s] You're kind of better.
[2775.3s] We're great with the first one, so, of course.
[2776.9s] You're better with door traps.
[2778.4s] No worries.
[2779.2s] So I go up to the big door where the stuff
[2781.1s] and I tiptoe my way through the wreckage.
[2784.3s] And what am I doing?
[2786.8s] Investigation.
[2789.3s] A 13.
[2792.1s] Yeah, you look it over, top to bottom,
[2794.0s] look for all the usual,
[2795.0s] like pinpricks and gas and any more spears.
[2799.5s] Everything looks fine.
[2800.5s] It looks fine.
[2803.2s] Well, you've never led me wrong before.
[2806.8s] So I put the key in and turn it.
[2810.4s] Turns with a loud.
[2813.1s] Door goes.
[2815.8s] Well, that would have, that would have set off
[2818.0s] any more spears that were left.
[2819.8s] One final spear back near the altar, finally.
[2824.1s] Let's go.
[2826.0s] Right into Frederick.
[2826.8s] Right into Frederick.
[2828.0s] Yeah, yeah.
[2829.4s] It's what he would have wanted.
[2830.6s] He was alive up until that point as well.
[2833.5s] The gift that keeps on giving.
[2835.0s] Opens into another dark tunnel
[2838.0s] that you can proceed forward to.
[2839.1s] Doesn't appear to be any other obstructions.
[2842.9s] A moot, do you wanna like light the way?
[2846.7s] Oh yeah, gladly, of course.
[2849.2s] Moot proceeds forward and everybody walks behind
[2851.4s] and moot. Wait.
[2852.9s] Where's the glowy ball?
[2854.4s] It's following you.
[2855.6s] Oh, okay.
[2857.1s] It's like in the front of your group.
[2859.3s] Whichever way you go, it moves to the front.
[2861.6s] Oh, okay.
[2862.9s] Okay.
[2863.8s] Moot proceeds forward following this ball
[2865.6s] and moot, you are first to round the bend
[2868.3s] into a more open chamber.
[2869.8s] Before you kind of round this bend,
[2871.4s] you hear the same movement that you heard
[2873.4s] when you were bat now.
[2874.7s] Sure.
[2875.6s] And you turn the corner, light entering into this
[2879.6s] and open up in this chamber.
[2882.2s] You see the same walkway and all of the walls moving
[2887.2s] with these monkey creatures.
[2889.9s] Oh.
[2891.3s] God damn it, not these guys again.
[2893.9s] They like the walls, don't they?
[2896.0s] What's on the walls?
[2897.5s] Peanut butter, probably.
[2902.1s] So just to clarify, Russ,
[2903.5s] we like just have found the bottom entrance
[2906.2s] so we don't need to come down the broken ladder.
[2908.0s] We're in that same thing?
[2908.8s] Yeah, we took the long way.
[2910.2s] Yeah.
[2911.6s] In a less efficient way.
[2913.5s] I mean.
[2914.4s] Should have just used the goblin.
[2915.2s] Should have just used the
[2916.2s] I was all about the goblin guts, but no.
[2920.0s] I apologize.
[2920.8s] You two were right.
[2922.5s] I'm sorry, you were definitely right.
[2924.5s] Well, there we go, too late now, isn't it?
[2928.2s] So I guess we see like a land bridge, you said?
[2931.0s] Yes, yeah, yeah.
[2932.0s] It looks pretty worn down to time.
[2936.4s] You can proceed across it,
[2937.9s] is the only way to get across this cavernous space.
[2942.3s] On the other side, there is a platform
[2944.6s] and then several other smaller platforms to leap across
[2949.0s] to where you can see a,
[2951.4s] what Moot couldn't quite see from where he was
[2953.7s] because he was too focused
[2954.6s] on getting out of there at that point,
[2956.7s] is a bridge that extends across a final expanse
[2963.1s] and a glowing light coming from the other side.
[2968.5s] Rope bridges?
[2970.2s] That's what it says, rope bridge.
[2973.2s] Two rope bridges.
[2974.8s] No, one rope bridge.
[2975.9s] There's a land bridge.
[2978.2s] Like a stony, like made from the earth kind of bridge,
[2983.0s] but then a secondary rope bridge that you have to get to.
[2987.6s] So what are the bridges crossing?
[2989.7s] Is there a big dark chasm?
[2991.8s] Oh yeah, it's a big dark chasm.
[2993.7s] Yeah, yeah.
[2994.5s] Oh, I see.
[2995.4s] So it's not water.
[2996.5s] Not water.
[2997.5s] Yeah.
[2998.3s] Should we go on the earth one?
[3000.1s] I reckon the earth one sounds better.
[3001.7s] Do you think the earth one is better?
[3003.9s] I think, yeah, it's one after the other.
[3005.8s] No, it's one after the other, right.
[3007.6s] It's not a choice.
[3008.9s] Okay.
[3009.7s] All right, so let's cross the land bridge.
[3012.8s] Did you all use your careful feet?
[3015.0s] Just being careful.
[3016.4s] Everybody roll stealth or athletics.
[3021.4s] Well, I have advantage on stealth rolls,
[3022.9s] so I'm gonna roll that one.
[3024.8s] I'm going to roll the shit out of athletics.
[3027.4s] I am a plus seven.
[3030.5s] Oh, it's not that good.
[3032.0s] It's a 12.
[3032.9s] 14 for me as well.
[3033.7s] It's a 12.
[3034.6s] 14 for me as well.
[3036.2s] 12.
[3037.0s] Oh, obviously all 12s and 14s, that's okay.
[3040.0s] Love it.
[3040.8s] You proceed across, I presume single file one by one,
[3044.9s] using your stealthiest and or most athletic feet,
[3048.6s] nimble feet, gymnastics feet to get across.
[3052.8s] As you're going, the ground.
[3055.0s] Do we keep like pushing into each other?
[3057.7s] Is that why we're all exactly the same?
[3060.3s] Exactly.
[3061.2s] Go faster.
[3062.4s] Hit on the heels of the next person?
[3064.6s] The ground beneath you like vibrates
[3066.5s] as you are now all on top of this bridge.
[3069.7s] You hear crumbling, pebbles falling,
[3074.1s] like trickling down.
[3076.4s] You, you know, against best thoughts,
[3080.3s] look down and just see an empty black void below you.
[3085.8s] Oh God.
[3086.8s] You do all manage to make it to the other side
[3089.6s] when the final step, whoever's in the rear,
[3093.4s] steps off and you feel the bridge give way behind you.
[3098.9s] I've got a good feeling about the rope bridge.
[3100.8s] I think this one will go very well.
[3102.3s] Maybe we shouldn't all go at the same time
[3104.2s] like we just did.
[3105.0s] That was a real weird strategy we just chose.
[3108.6s] No, I think we just all run across all at once.
[3110.8s] The speed method.
[3112.0s] Yes.
[3112.8s] Oh, okay.
[3114.3s] Like linking arms, we link arms
[3116.4s] and we just bloody go for it.
[3118.8s] So we're like grapevine in it?
[3120.8s] It's a very wide bridge, I think, isn't it?
[3122.9s] Is it a super wide bridge?
[3124.8s] Super wide.
[3126.0s] Five of us go at once.
[3127.8s] You can go in line, that's super wide.
[3130.4s] Like a chorus line just moving forward.
[3132.8s] I expect high kick.
[3133.6s] Like the yellow brick road situation.
[3135.6s] Let's just.
[3136.9s] Gosh.
[3137.8s] The bridge before you.
[3139.8s] As the land bridge gives way,
[3142.6s] some of these monkey creatures kind of swoop down
[3145.5s] and in its space and then move back up to the walls.
[3148.6s] You have been stealthily to this point.
[3151.0s] I am presuming you're whispering as much as you can.
[3153.2s] You proceed across the rope bridge.
[3156.9s] The straining of the rope as you proceed,
[3160.4s] all five of you, all at the same time.
[3165.2s] Arms linked.
[3166.0s] Arms linked.
[3166.9s] Holding on on either side.
[3169.5s] We're off to see the wizard, et cetera, et cetera.
[3171.9s] You see, before you get across,
[3174.5s] you see there's another tunnel up and ahead.
[3176.6s] You see that there are more shelves
[3180.3s] off into the side before this tunnel,
[3182.1s] but also like this glowing golden aura
[3185.4s] coming from beyond the tunnel.
[3188.1s] Everybody make a stealth check.
[3189.4s] Yellow brick road, everybody.
[3191.7s] Everybody make a stealth check.
[3192.6s] I mean, there's flying monkeys.
[3193.9s] We're basically in the Wizard of Oz, aren't we?
[3195.5s] Yes, yes.
[3196.7s] Oh my god.
[3197.6s] A stealth check.
[3198.4s] Oh, a nat 20.
[3200.2s] 17.
[3201.7s] 12.
[3203.0s] No, sorry.
[3204.1s] Which one am I?
[3205.0s] 14.
[3205.9s] Nine. 14.
[3207.0s] 14, okay, sorry, glim stealth.
[3210.5s] That was a natural one.
[3212.2s] Okay.
[3213.1s] I got a two.
[3213.9s] Oh, goodness me.
[3214.8s] One man ban.
[3215.6s] We shall avenge.
[3217.4s] I get too inspired.
[3218.7s] I start singing maybe or something.
[3221.4s] Love it.
[3222.2s] So yeah, the sound of Bahamut's song
[3227.2s] comes to your heart.
[3228.0s] What would a Bahamut hymn sound like?
[3228.8s] The one from Shrek that goes
[3230.7s] to the best days of our lives.
[3232.5s] Oh.
[3234.5s] That's right.
[3236.3s] That's exactly it.
[3237.6s] Yeah.
[3238.4s] You begin singing that and everybody hears movement
[3241.2s] on the walls and some of these monkey creatures
[3245.3s] charge down towards you.
[3247.6s] How many of them will be determined by this roll
[3252.1s] that I didn't roll well?
[3254.6s] Just three of them.
[3257.3s] Okay.
[3258.1s] Puny.
[3259.7s] However, you are on difficult terrain
[3262.1s] being a stretchy bendy rope bridge.
[3265.8s] We'll use initiative first.
[3267.7s] Glim, you were singing, but Yever is up first.
[3270.3s] Yever, you hear them and see them charging
[3272.3s] towards your new friend Glim,
[3274.8s] who had a song in their heart,
[3276.8s] which you're well known that people get song
[3279.6s] in their hearts because you've traveled
[3280.7s] with Greer for a long time.
[3282.9s] Absolutely.
[3283.8s] Recognize the danger and are first to act.
[3286.6s] You may attack or do whatever you'd like to do.
[3289.0s] Join in, join in song as well.
[3291.2s] So am I to roll initiative first?
[3293.8s] We will just use the initiative that we had previously.
[3297.2s] All right.
[3298.0s] So you can choose your attack,
[3300.2s] great acts or I think you've got a vicious maul
[3303.8s] or anything else that you have there, yeah.
[3306.2s] Vicious maul, throw the vicious maul.
[3309.4s] I will throw.
[3310.2s] I'm gonna get that checked out.
[3311.5s] I will, I draw out from my pocket
[3316.2s] the most vicious maul you have ever seen.
[3319.6s] Oh, and they can see in the dark.
[3320.8s] They can see in the dark, so exactly.
[3322.2s] So yeah, absolute snarling rabid
[3325.6s] and I throw that maul into the heart of the monkeys.
[3330.9s] Fantastic.
[3332.1s] Make an attack roll for this vicious maul.
[3335.8s] Yeah, there you go, Steve.
[3337.5s] Show them who's boss.
[3339.4s] Yeah, you tell them.
[3343.5s] Where's the attack roll?
[3345.0s] Is that, oh, I see on the vicious maul.
[3349.2s] He's a 10 pound maul, that's what it says.
[3352.3s] That's a heavy maul.
[3354.2s] Here we go, vicious maul, gosh.
[3359.4s] And he's got a five foot reach, 22.
[3362.4s] Hell yes.
[3363.4s] Wow, Steve is impressive.
[3365.5s] I did say he was vicious.
[3367.9s] Wanna roll some damage for Steve
[3369.5s] as he's flying through the air?
[3371.1s] Is he also like, could he be doing martial arts
[3373.6s] of some kind, because somehow he's gotta use one of them
[3376.1s] to propel himself back to you,
[3377.8s] because we need more of Steve in our life.
[3379.2s] Oh, he's got it all.
[3381.0s] He's got it made.
[3383.7s] 12.
[3384.7s] 12 damage?
[3386.4s] A valiant effort from Steve.
[3388.3s] Love it. 12 damage.
[3389.4s] Steve flies through the air.
[3392.2s] And as one of these creatures is just about a glim,
[3395.6s] catches it just at the last moment
[3397.5s] and goes like over the edge.
[3400.1s] You lose sight of him for a moment.
[3402.0s] You hear them battling.
[3403.9s] The other two creatures fly down
[3405.4s] and then you see him laddering back up,
[3407.8s] destroying each of these creatures along the way
[3411.6s] and leaps back to you,
[3413.1s] covered in this monkey creature gut.
[3416.4s] Gives you the thumbs up and crawls back into your pocket.
[3418.8s] Oh, he's magnificent.
[3419.9s] We should have just chucked him down the hole
[3421.8s] with the ladder in the first place.
[3423.0s] Yeah, I didn't know you had a creature in your pocket.
[3425.6s] It's amazing.
[3426.8s] Well, you know.
[3429.5s] Or is he supposed to see you?
[3431.3s] Blah, blah, blah, yes.
[3433.3s] It was the joke we were all thinking.
[3437.8s] We cut ahead to the other side of the bridge.
[3440.9s] And you are at the entrance to this final tunnel.
[3449.5s] There are, like I said, more shelves.
[3453.3s] They do have more wine on them before you enter.
[3457.7s] And you walk down this tunnel
[3460.4s] and there are mounds of gold
[3465.6s] and artifacts and chests.
[3468.5s] But what you see before that,
[3471.3s] or even as you see that,
[3473.8s] is movement of red dragon scale
[3478.2s] of a gargantuan size
[3480.8s] that turns its head and looks towards you.
[3484.6s] I think he's friendly.
[3487.1s] Try talking to him.
[3488.1s] He should be honored.
[3489.4s] We chose his Jornot, right?
[3492.0s] I mean- That's true.
[3493.1s] Yes, we did, didn't we?
[3494.7s] We had faith.
[3496.2s] This friendly friend.
[3497.3s] You're so pretty.
[3498.5s] Hello, friend.
[3500.4s] Who are you?
[3504.0s] Bellows out in this waft of hot breath.
[3508.9s] Washes over you.
[3510.4s] Your clothes blow back in the wind.
[3513.8s] Okay, so I'm Glim.
[3515.8s] These are my friends.
[3516.9s] We have a destiny to save the world.
[3519.4s] Maybe you know, like my,
[3521.5s] I would consider him a friend, Bahamut.
[3524.6s] Shrugs.
[3526.4s] Bahamut doesn't care about chromatic dragons.
[3530.5s] Tiamat is who I am devoted to.
[3534.1s] Oh yeah, Tiamat's pretty cool too.
[3536.3s] Is he on a big pile of treasure?
[3538.3s] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
[3540.2s] Ah, so this is probably what we've come for.
[3544.2s] I hear Bahamut and Tiamat have a thing going on.
[3547.6s] Who told you?
[3548.4s] What, like an agreement?
[3550.0s] What, like a romantic thing?
[3551.4s] No, like, they're related, but also a romantic thing.
[3556.6s] And I'm not gonna say that isn't weird,
[3558.8s] but every religion kinda has some weird stuff going on
[3561.8s] in the background.
[3562.7s] Why the gods and everything?
[3563.5s] So it's like, does that-
[3564.4s] And it's, they don't operate the same as us.
[3567.5s] No, it's weird, it's weird.
[3570.5s] So what do we do then?
[3571.6s] So are we, what do we, yeah.
[3573.4s] Are you, are you Prince?
[3575.7s] Because the monks all-
[3577.0s] Oh, oh, yes.
[3578.8s] Seem to worship-
[3580.3s] They're like all dead though.
[3581.4s] Prince and-
[3582.2s] I am, I am Prince.
[3583.7s] Yes, I take the form of whichever doorknob is turned.
[3588.9s] And it appears that you have turned me
[3591.6s] into something that could gobble you up in mere seconds.
[3594.2s] Oh, I wish someone had said something
[3596.3s] before we did that.
[3597.7s] Yeah, if only, hey?
[3599.4s] You hear an echo from the chamber?
[3602.1s] I wasn't there.
[3604.1s] Go home.
[3606.2s] You're not a part of this.
[3607.8s] The horses are almost out of gas.
[3610.4s] Hurry up.
[3611.5s] I can't imagine Prince would want to hurt us.
[3614.2s] Not if we, you know, maybe, shall I, shall I sing?
[3618.2s] I mean, you know, it-
[3619.6s] Does everyone want me to sing?
[3620.4s] Yes.
[3621.3s] You're speaking his language, aren't you?
[3622.1s] Yes.
[3623.0s] I think so.
[3623.8s] Absolutely.
[3624.6s] I don't know if I know any Prince songs,
[3625.7s] apart from the What About a Dove?
[3627.7s] Yes, Purple Rain, Wind Doves Cry.
[3630.4s] Yes.
[3631.2s] Shall I, shall I sing one of those?
[3632.6s] Yes, go on.
[3633.5s] All right.
[3634.9s] Oh, do you want to play,
[3636.3s] well, I'll play the lute as well.
[3637.5s] Yes.
[3638.3s] Should I roll something
[3639.5s] so we know how fabulous it is?
[3641.4s] Yeah, you can roll performance and then,
[3644.9s] and then, and then give us a taste of the performance.
[3648.6s] All right.
[3649.4s] 25.
[3650.2s] This is better than Prince himself, quite frankly.
[3653.4s] This is like when George Michael
[3654.8s] did Freddie Mercury's song in Live Aid.
[3657.8s] Just as good, basically.
[3659.4s] So this is, so I'm basically Prince.
[3662.2s] Okay.
[3664.2s] Actually, I'm going to mouth it
[3665.8s] and Eva's going to sing it.
[3668.5s] Oh, okay.
[3669.4s] Perfect, perfect.
[3670.2s] Yeah, yeah.
[3672.0s] Because he's actually the power behind this room.
[3675.5s] The music starts up and Prince before you
[3678.4s] is settling in, listening to your song,
[3681.1s] you're offering to him.
[3683.3s] Maybe I'm just like my mother
[3687.3s] She's never satisfied
[3691.3s] Something about a Barbara
[3696.3s] This is what it sounds like
[3699.3s] When barbarians cry
[3701.3s] Bop, bop, bop, bop
[3703.3s] Bop, bop, bop, bop
[3705.3s] Bop, bop, bop, bop
[3707.3s] Bop, bop, bop, bop
[3709.3s] Can't touch this
[3711.5s] Bop, bop, bop, bop
[3714.7s] Wow.
[3715.6s] Wow, that was a wipe a tear away.
[3718.0s] It's moving.
[3719.0s] Very, very touching.
[3720.8s] That is pretty amazing, isn't it?
[3723.2s] There's a long moment
[3725.2s] and then the dragon before you
[3729.2s] that you now know as Prince rears up
[3734.1s] and starts clapping
[3738.0s] Wow.
[3739.6s] Which echoes out and you hear movement
[3742.1s] and scattering beyond in the chamber behind you
[3744.9s] and he says, just to close the door.
[3747.4s] Close the door.
[3748.4s] And you turn and you look and there is a big rolling
[3750.4s] like barn door that you are able to close.
[3754.6s] And if you do so.
[3755.4s] That was stylish.
[3756.6s] And you do and you see coming down the tunnel behind you
[3759.9s] is like just a swarm of these monkey creatures.
[3763.4s] You close it at the last moment.
[3765.0s] One kind of pokes its head through
[3766.4s] and it's trying to pull back.
[3767.4s] But then, I mean.
[3769.6s] So it punches it in the face.
[3771.3s] That's right. Punch it in the face.
[3772.3s] And then it shoots back out, much like Jurassic Park.
[3775.4s] And when the velociraptor pokes its head in there
[3778.3s] and sucker punch it, closes it.
[3780.5s] And then all of these creatures slam against the door
[3782.8s] behind you.
[3783.7s] I'm sorry.
[3784.5s] I shouldn't have clapped so loud.
[3787.1s] We're supposed to be very quiet down here.
[3788.4s] I haven't heard such beautiful music.
[3790.8s] Not in years since we've been hiding down here.
[3794.5s] Why is he hiding?
[3795.4s] Why are you hiding?
[3797.0s] You're like a big, strong, powerful dragon.
[3799.2s] Only when you turn the door knob.
[3801.8s] Oh, what are you when we don't turn the door knob?
[3803.6s] I'm, I'm.
[3805.0s] Great question.
[3805.8s] I'm a man.
[3808.8s] I come in many forms though.
[3811.0s] I am prince.
[3812.3s] Is this the Wizard of Oz?
[3813.8s] Why don't you turn your own knob
[3815.3s] and then you can just be a big dragon all the time?
[3818.0s] That's a good question.
[3819.1s] When you join the order,
[3820.6s] there are certain things that you're not supposed to do.
[3823.1s] Yeah, but I mean, when you're locked down here
[3824.7s] for so long.
[3825.6s] There's strict rules.
[3826.6s] Can't touch knobs anymore.
[3828.2s] Oh, so there's a no turning your own knob rule.
[3831.2s] No turning your own knob rule in the voiceless order.
[3833.5s] Gotcha.
[3834.3s] Voiceless and unsatisfied.
[3836.5s] Hire someone else to turn your knob.
[3838.9s] Yeah. There we go.
[3839.7s] There gotta be some work around.
[3842.8s] Well, as you can see, everybody has died.
[3845.4s] They drank themselves into a stupor
[3847.5s] and then we were attacked by the screaming monkeys.
[3851.6s] Could you not train one of the more affable monkeys
[3854.4s] to turn your own knob?
[3855.5s] I have not attempted to do so.
[3857.9s] That is very sharp teeth.
[3860.7s] Very sharp teeth.
[3861.6s] The training on that seems very dangerous.
[3864.2s] I had assumed that the monkeys were your servants,
[3867.8s] but are the monkeys not actually...
[3872.1s] Did you not want, is this an infestation?
[3874.6s] No, we've been down here since the age of storms.
[3879.1s] We hid ourselves away
[3881.6s] and the knowledge that we possess away.
[3883.7s] And then these creatures found their way up from the depths
[3888.6s] and infested and destroyed all of my followers.
[3892.0s] Oh, that sucks.
[3892.9s] Well, now you're a dragon.
[3894.2s] You can just get rid of them, can't you?
[3895.8s] Touche, I could do that.
[3897.5s] In fact, open the door and we will do that right now.
[3900.2s] Right.
[3901.0s] Just blast them.
[3902.5s] A good old blast of extermination.
[3905.6s] Kind of clears his throat and then coughs
[3909.2s] and flames shoot out.
[3910.2s] He's like, all right, I'm ready whenever you are.
[3913.0s] Slide that beautiful barn door open.
[3915.9s] The group of you roll the barn door back,
[3918.4s] which you see on the other side,
[3920.9s] these creatures fluttering around.
[3923.0s] And as they begin to enter,
[3924.4s] a blast of flame shoots out and down.
[3928.1s] And you hear the scream,
[3929.7s] everybody make a constitution saving throw.
[3931.6s] Oh dear.
[3934.1s] So all my dice are broken.
[3935.8s] I'm not sure.
[3937.4s] Dirty 20.
[3939.1s] 14, nat 20.
[3941.6s] 25.
[3942.5s] Nice.
[3943.3s] 25 for me.
[3945.0s] 21.
[3945.8s] Okay, everybody's good.
[3948.0s] The echoes out, it hurts your ears,
[3949.9s] but nobody is stunned because of it.
[3953.4s] The flames die down and there's just
[3956.4s] littered with the bodies of these creatures.
[3959.6s] Nobody has ever turned the dragon knob before.
[3962.9s] This is not an option that I had previously.
[3966.2s] It seems they could have been scared
[3968.8s] of facing a dragon beyond the door.
[3972.2s] Well, you're welcome.
[3973.0s] You are very welcome.
[3974.0s] I mean, it makes sense.
[3976.0s] Do you not think that maybe that
[3979.5s] merits some sort of monetary reward?
[3983.1s] Oh yeah, like a price.
[3984.4s] Oh, well, you did come down.
[3986.2s] You did come down.
[3987.0s] You did save me, whether known or not.
[3991.2s] Unfortunately, it was a little too late
[3992.9s] for everybody else down here,
[3994.2s] but that's neither here nor there.
[3996.2s] Hey, what's this glowy ball?
[3999.0s] It is a floating, glowing ball.
[4001.1s] It allows you to see in the dark.
[4005.2s] It's magical, is it not?
[4007.0s] Oh yeah.
[4007.8s] Yes, it is one of my prized possessions.
[4010.5s] I was sort of hoping it might do something else.
[4014.0s] What did you have in mind?
[4016.0s] Well, I don't know.
[4017.8s] Literally anything.
[4018.6s] I mean, you know, light fittings would have sufficed,
[4022.3s] but no, no, no, it's good.
[4023.5s] I love the ball.
[4024.3s] I mean, we found it at the end too.
[4025.8s] We didn't really need it,
[4027.1s] it probably would have been a lot better if we located it.
[4029.3s] No, I feel like I'm pouring scorn on the ball.
[4033.2s] Shall we get back to the recompense?
[4034.7s] I feel like you've come from a different time,
[4036.6s] a different era when magic is,
[4039.1s] where magic is more commonplace.
[4041.7s] And a glowing ball when, in my time,
[4045.2s] would have been something that everybody
[4047.8s] would have traveled around to see is now-
[4050.0s] That's true, yes.
[4051.3s] It seems pretty commonplace in this place as well.
[4053.8s] I don't know.
[4054.6s] Magic and bloody everywhere.
[4056.2s] It's been schooled.
[4057.4s] Yes, that's fair.
[4058.8s] Apologies.
[4059.6s] Shall we get back to the recompense?
[4062.4s] The monetary gain.
[4063.6s] Yes, well, you came down searching for treasure,
[4065.7s] I presume.
[4066.8s] I mean, what's it to you?
[4069.9s] Well, I could bestow you certain treasures,
[4075.3s] if that is what you desire.
[4077.2s] Everybody roll a d10, please.
[4079.7s] What's that?
[4080.6s] Where is it?
[4081.5s] Go down to the little chap in the corner there
[4084.8s] and look for the 10,
[4086.4s] the one that looks like a spinning top.
[4088.2s] Yeah, third from the top.
[4089.6s] Ah, there we go.
[4091.5s] D.
[4092.4s] Four.
[4093.6s] 10.
[4094.4s] Did I just do it?
[4095.3s] Oh dear.
[4096.2s] A two for me.
[4097.8s] Three.
[4098.7s] Is that, no, that's not it.
[4101.6s] Click, click, roll.
[4102.6s] Oh no, I just did it twice.
[4103.9s] No, click.
[4104.7s] Did you click roll?
[4105.6s] It's got two on it now, so.
[4107.0s] Oh, it's got three on it now, what have I done?
[4108.6s] Just click roll.
[4110.5s] Oh, you've rolled three of them.
[4111.8s] I've rolled three.
[4112.7s] What's your number?
[4113.5s] Slide by 10.
[4115.4s] 12.
[4116.9s] 12.
[4117.7s] I love it.
[4119.7s] Incredible.
[4123.7s] Green Ray is very magical.
[4125.5s] Very magical.
[4127.9s] Well, I mean, have a look around.
[4130.4s] There are artifacts, there are chests.
[4132.1s] Careful, some of the chests are in fact mimics.
[4135.7s] Oh, bad.
[4136.6s] I don't remember which ones.
[4139.0s] I think you'll maybe make a note of that.
[4140.9s] That might be useful.
[4142.5s] Again, to test them, you have to open.
[4146.1s] But, yes.
[4147.5s] He scoops up a large pile of gold
[4150.6s] and drops it at your feet.
[4153.4s] It's been a while since I've kind of eyeballed that much,
[4155.4s] but it seems like it could be 3,100 gold.
[4159.0s] Great.
[4159.8s] Wow, that's a lot.
[4161.7s] Sounds good, I don't quite know the local conversion.
[4165.3s] Yeah, what can you get for that?
[4166.8s] Oh, like.
[4167.6s] You could buy a medium sized village.
[4171.4s] Oh, well that's pretty good.
[4173.0s] Yeah.
[4174.8s] Nice.
[4175.9s] Well, I'm happy with that.
[4178.0s] I think that's probably fair.
[4179.6s] A fair fee.
[4181.0s] Anyone else, any opinion?
[4184.0s] No, just, you know, the.
[4186.8s] We haven't agreed the split.
[4187.9s] When we're on the topic of recompense, you know,
[4191.3s] just like.
[4192.1s] Feed them to the dragon, Yever!
[4194.0s] And run!
[4194.8s] Are we really going, we've been through so much,
[4198.4s] I feel like we've bonded.
[4199.6s] I got you, I was like, bye.
[4202.4s] Let's change the plan.
[4203.4s] Are we sticking with plan A?
[4204.5s] No, we're not.
[4205.4s] No, no, okay, fine.
[4206.5s] No, no sacrifices today.
[4208.8s] Were you gonna convince the dragon to eat us?
[4211.8s] Was I to eat them?
[4213.6s] Were you gonna eat us?
[4214.9s] Well, no, no, no, that was a hilarious joke.
[4218.4s] Ha ha ha ha.
[4219.2s] Oh, ha ha ha ha.
[4220.3s] Yeah.
[4221.1s] That's so reassuring.
[4222.3s] That's so funny.
[4223.2s] They're telling off their partners.
[4224.6s] Yeah.
[4226.0s] You'll get to know my sense of humor
[4227.8s] if you survive long enough.
[4229.0s] Anyway, so a split, we should agree on a split.
[4234.0s] Well, I came up with the intestinal idea,
[4236.8s] so I think that's worth quite a lot.
[4238.5s] That's pretty good.
[4239.4s] Yeah.
[4240.8s] We did agree to reduce our share by 10%.
[4244.8s] So you actually owe us money now, I'm afraid.
[4247.6s] So once you take 10% off,
[4249.2s] I'm afraid you're in debt, you know.
[4252.5s] Oh God, we were only gonna get 5% of this.
[4255.3s] We owe you.
[4256.8s] Yes, you owe us now.
[4258.0s] We were gonna split five.
[4259.6s] Oh wow.
[4260.5s] I mean, nice to still have a job though, right?
[4261.9s] Yeah, I mean, it was.
[4263.0s] Very important to read the fine print.
[4265.5s] This can go on your CV.
[4266.9s] You've got the experience now.
[4268.6s] Your curriculum.
[4269.4s] Think of the exposure.
[4270.5s] Yeah.
[4271.9s] Before you, the dragon quickly turns into a tiger.
[4277.3s] And then.
[4278.2s] Hey, did you?
[4279.0s] Someone's turned into a nob because I thought.
[4281.1s] Quickly turns into an orc.
[4283.0s] And then a goblin.
[4284.1s] Oh my God.
[4284.9s] Someone's fiddling with the nobs.
[4286.3s] It's.
[4287.4s] It's Hillop.
[4288.3s] We need to get out of here.
[4289.1s] Hillop.
[4290.0s] Yeah?
[4290.8s] Stop it.
[4291.6s] Stop turning the nobs.
[4292.8s] Okay.
[4293.8s] We're coming.
[4294.6s] Yeah, yeah, sure.
[4295.5s] You're coming.
[4296.3s] Don't worry.
[4297.2s] I'm idling.
[4298.0s] I'm getting strange looks from passerbys.
[4300.6s] It's fine.
[4301.5s] Do you, is there a certain like, figure you wanna be?
[4304.2s] We could tell him to just turn like, whatever now.
[4307.6s] Oh yeah.
[4308.6s] Ooh, is one of them prints?
[4312.5s] No, unfortunately.
[4313.3s] The regular old one
[4314.2s] that's all rusty and stuff?
[4315.0s] Yes, yes, please.
[4316.5s] Have him turn that one.
[4317.3s] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
[4318.2s] No one has ever turned that one.
[4319.7s] Hillop, the rusty one.
[4321.9s] Hit the rusty one.
[4322.8s] This is the one that looks like a regular nob?
[4325.7s] Okay.
[4326.5s] Turns it.
[4327.4s] And then the figure before you disappears.
[4330.6s] Oh great.
[4331.4s] Turned into a nob.
[4332.8s] And then echoing on the wind,
[4335.3s] you just hear, thank you.
[4338.1s] Oh.
[4339.0s] Oh, that's sad.
[4339.8s] Oh, he was trapped down here.
[4342.4s] He was trapped here.
[4344.6s] We released his soul.
[4346.2s] Oh god.
[4347.0s] And all he needed was a small fiddle of the nob.
[4351.9s] So he didn't wanna go outside of the cave system,
[4354.6s] he just wanted to die.
[4357.0s] Is that right?
[4357.8s] I have a feeling he's been here a while.
[4360.8s] Maybe could.
[4361.7s] This is just a catalog of tragedies.
[4363.7s] It is very sad.
[4364.5s] But also he left all this treasure.
[4366.6s] So now.
[4367.4s] Oh that's true.
[4368.3s] He left all the treasure.
[4369.1s] So it's a happy ending.
[4370.0s] Happy ending.
[4370.8s] I think so.
[4371.6s] Yeah.
[4372.5s] We fade out on all of you piling your pockets
[4373.8s] full of as much gold and artifact as you can.
[4377.7s] And Moot is going bat and in and bat and in.
[4380.7s] He's taking so much gold outside.
[4382.4s] So much gold.
[4383.2s] Genius plan.
[4384.2s] Looking forward to carrying all this gold
[4386.2s] over that rope bridge.
[4389.2s] We cut to after hours and hours of work.
[4392.9s] We cut to outside where Hillop is seated at the carriage.
[4396.6s] Everybody's piled in the back.
[4397.8s] And then there's a much larger carriage
[4400.3s] that's just mounted with gold and artifacts on the back.
[4403.8s] Wheeling its way down the winding road
[4407.0s] back to the city that which you came.
[4409.5s] Well, a day well spent.
[4415.0s] All in a day's work.
[4416.2s] Are you trying to do a sort of philosophy
[4418.4s] to wrap this up?
[4419.3s] I'm trying to do a sort of what have we learned.
[4421.1s] Cherries bring a sort of end message thing.
[4423.5s] What do you think we've learned everyone?
[4426.2s] Gobling guts are good for more than just one thing.
[4429.4s] Yeah.
[4430.2s] Well, I don't know.
[4431.0s] We didn't actually use them for anything in the end.
[4432.6s] No, we did.
[4434.2s] Oh, we did, we did.
[4435.8s] Tied it all together.
[4437.2s] Oh, God, if it wasn't for Frederick's guts,
[4439.2s] he wouldn't even be here.
[4440.2s] It was a whole thing.
[4441.1s] We should find his family
[4442.8s] and really give him some of this gold.
[4444.0s] I think probably that would be, yeah,
[4445.9s] he should probably get a small split, you know.
[4448.8s] Let's do that.
[4455.5s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season two, episode 146,
[4459.2s] starring Amy More as Sully, Carla Maxdad as Glim,
[4464.1s] Tom Laird as Moot, with Russ More as your dungeon master,
[4466.5s] and special guests, Lindsay Sharman as Madame Magenta
[4469.5s] playing Guerrera, and Lawrence Owen as Bernard
[4472.2s] playing Yeever.
[4473.8s] Dialogue editing by Carla Maxdad
[4476.0s] and sound design by Russ More.
[4477.8s] This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound,
[4480.4s] Artlist, and Kavin MacLeod,
[4482.1s] and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
[4483.8s] Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
[4485.7s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[4488.1s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok,
[4490.1s] Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown,
[4493.1s] Craig Zeiss, Perry Matey, Kayla Littlejohn,
[4496.2s] L.A. Branton, CosmicOctopus, Ong-Garon Kierzen,
[4499.8s] Nathaniel Teeter, OldSchoolGamerD, Destiny Garcia,
[4503.4s] Jordan Anderson, and Louis Hayes.
[4505.8s] Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast,
[4508.9s] where this month we're holding our first live show
[4511.8s] of the year on March 28th,
[4513.8s] 7 p.m. Pacific, 10 p.m. Eastern,
[4516.3s] and all patrons get in.
[4517.9s] Join us today, Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
[4521.4s] That's it for now.
[4522.4s] Have a great week.
[4523.4s] We'll talk to you soon.
[4526.5s] Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.